So traditionally, in many societies marriages are ‘arranged’ for the offsprings. Examples with reasoning for Kings, noblemen, commoners.
& then there is the modern millennial era where marriage is for formalising your ‘love’. You meet your dream partner, whether in your 20s, 30s, 40s or even 50s and since your chemistry is a 200% and dopamine is rushing through your body from head to toe so you marry them.
Same same but different
Yet there is room for the new age marriages, those that are done for either reason and still holding fort (though not love nither significance) for being a social contract which has mutual benefits. One spouse (or maybe both) have realized that their better half isn’t the person of their dreams, and may never be yet they carry on. Coping could mean insulating by means of apathy, indifference or even plain ignoring the thorns. For the outside world (social media or otherwise) they are perfect, all conventional life goals accomplished or on track to accomplish. Yet on the inside there is no connect, no love, no tenderness left. I term this the arranged love marriage. Cos love is lost but you are arranging to carry on 😉
End of an era. Death of a relation. Cessation to thrive. Expiration of feelings. Termination of exchanges. Completion of dettachment. Conclusion in unsaid goodbye. Finale of fading memory. Grave of dreams. Gone too soon.
Thanking the universe for conspiring. Grateful for the moments. Blessed with the memories. Appreciative of the growth. Beholden for the words. Indebted to bring out the best. Obliged to share world. Glad our paths crossed.
The great fall
Tears would not flow. Moments won’t be recollected. Words shall not be exchanged. Voices shall be a thing of the past. Harsh but only option. Dead end of sorts. Yearning, longing, everything can be shelved. Immerse in yourself, outwardly busy, inwardly lost.
A not so happy ending, once again. History repeats, roles reverse. ‘cos what is not meant to be never will be. Closing the paths to heart, the fancies of mind and the longing of soul with a finale. A tribute to finding peace not promises. A mission to let bygones be bygones. An operation to erase what was, hope not and let the memories fade out, once more.
Monotone, platonic, never-changing, always the same. Sounds boring right? Then why do we expect our relationships to be such. Why do words like change, newness, disruption cause us cold feet?
Relationships are like living organisms. They are never stable. Whether it’s with your partner, friends, parents or siblings. Each relation is like an organism that has its own wishes, fancies and moods. The equation can undergo change in due course of time. It can change multiple times, with its own highs and lows, in’s and out’s. Stay unpurterbed as the true nature of a relation is to evolve, morph and take the shape of your lifestyle, milestones and other key aspects of life.
Sometimes just looking at the equation with a critical pair of eyes helps. A fresh Point of View always helps. Something that worked in the past is no longer relevant while something that didn’t work might now be a huge hit. Thus it’s a mistake to write off any relationship and burn bridges completely. Never give up on the partnership you got as it is never a lost cause. The time you invested is always going to get you a return of equity. Infact it’s a wealth of wisdom, memories and shared experiences you have built together. There are pearls of wisdoms ingrained in your subtle memory, today or tomorrow they would make you a better version of you.
Tomorrow always brings the opportunity to start afresh. Thus tidying over the weather is in everyone’s best interest, especially yours to make the gains both tangible as well as intangible.
The fuck it forties – a unique yet apt title by a friend who is almost finished sailing through her fourth decade around the sun. Maybe, maybe not, but anyways may your aging be as exciting as this time bucket list! So I am continuing to jot down the accomplishments that every woman should aim to get under her belt before turning 40.
Do your bit for the nature. Afterall we got only one planet earth as there is no plan B. So start small by saving electricity, sorting your garbage, switching to sustainable products and practices. Then take some formal steps with like minded folks, the local community and be a sustainability champion whom people follow even IRL.
Build basic knowledge of your spiritual scriptures. Maybe you are god-fearing, maybe you are not. In either ways, a good thorough read of your religious scriptures might leave you with a deep understanding of philosophy, way of life and a know-how of how to navigate daily life. So whatever be your spiritual awareness level today, consuming bite sized information would only add dimension to your aging!
Do nothing day. Yes you heard it right, mark it on your calendars and swear by it. Think of it as a day of ‘paid time off’ from your role and titles. If you are a home-maker, do no chores on this day. If you are employed or self-employed, take a day off spend time on a hobby deeply. If you are a new mom, just ditch childcare and pamper yourself by stepping out in your finest outfits!
Friend date. Because finding a date is hard work but friends are always here for you! So step out with your girlfriend and have a gala time.
Bike. Or if you are a biker girl, gear up and push the pedal (or the gear). After all who doesn’t like the thrill of breeze in your hair, some sweat on the forehead and a freewheeling ride down the neighbourhood.
Grow a plant. There is no greater wonder in the world than watching a living being grow. So sow some seeds or invest in a sapling from the friendly nursery and start nurturing the plant. Build it into your daily routine and be proud of keeping it alive & thriving as a responsible adult.
Hike. Being in nature is a natural endorphin booster. A cheap and free dose of feel good with some cardio and fresh air to top it with.
DIY. Build something with your own hands, from scratch. It could be as simple as an origami craft, a new recipe or a lovely crochet that you have saved on your pinterest board since long.
Handywoman. Spend a day with the toolbox and go all around the house fixing all the loose screws & hanging nuts and bolts. As they say a stitch in time saves nine, derive some sense of accomplishment by being the lady version of a ‘handyman’.
Face yoga. Aging but wanting to age with grace. Then find some good source of face yoga, the basic ones which use muscle pull without using fancy equipments or more investments than what you already have. & thank me later for saving you a million in face lifts and tucks which your dermatologist would have earned instead.
The furious fourties – a decade where you are neither young nor old. More like a sandwich situation. The recount of my sisterhood who have hit this milestone of aging range from liberating to imprisoning. Seems the fourth decade around the sun is infact a double-edged sword. Forewarned is forearmed, so here is a time bucket list of accomplishments that every woman should aim to get under her belt before turning 40!
Solo travel. From something as exotic as a mountain sojourn to something as reasonable as a stay-cation in the home city – being on your own hits differently. You are unattached from the various roles you play, rediscovering yourself as an individual. The quiet, the solitude, the unknown, the discoveries – you can own them all. Bonus – it does wonder for your self confidence.
Meditate. While levitating seems out of the world but meditating can help channelise your blocked energies and find a vent out. A peaceful one where you can let go of your thoughts and train your mind for strength. So start practising a few minutes of quiet everyday, allow mindfulness to engulf you.
Day out with the maiden family. Plan some block of time with your parents and siblings, just like old times. Bond over memories forgotten, rummage through childhood treasures or just spend time at leisure with each other cosying up over nostalgic food and wine. Bonus it’s a huge dopamine dose without burning hole in the pocket.
Give back to society. Start finding means to volunteer your time and efforts. Chose a cause close to your heart – beach clean up, teaching underprivileged kids or caring for silver citizens. Deploy your skills at a not-for-profit organization and make the world around you a better place. One day at a time.
Join a sports group. Pick up your favourite sport – indoor or outdoor and start bonding with like minded folks over it. Give yourself another social channel to mingle at and since it’s a game the cognitive and physiological benefits are yours to reap anyways.
Find your poison
Girls only itinerary. Invest in thrills and frills with your girl gang. Spend time with your sisterhood exploring diverse interests from wine-tasting to knitting to glamping. Splurge, spend or save – choice is yours. Idea is to cosy up with your favourite women and leave your worries behind.
Try a new hobby. You think you can’t paint – then pick up a brush and learn. You think reading is too boring then join a bookclub. Or you find baking cumbersome, look for a baking guru whose sessions can inspire your inner pattiserrie. Giving a diverse, completely untried activity a hand unlocks new neural circuits in your brain. You never know it could even unleash a hidden Picasso or a nimble Nigella within you.
Adrenaline adventure. Before you are labelled too old (or your knees give away) catch the thrills of jumping, gliding, crawling! Go on all fours or riding an ATV. Find a junkie sport and give it a shot. Afterall you won’t be this young forever so why wait.
Teach something formally. Ofcourse you got skills, you got knowledge and you are armed with information then why withhold it. Pass it on to others formally, it could be handwriting, making pickes, a long forgotten art of embroidery or just public speaking. There are takers for everything in today’s world. This experience of putting yourself out there and imparting your skill is both liberating and learning at the same time.
Downtime with your child before they turn a tween/teen. Perfect time to catch them ripe as the child is neither a dependent kid neither a superbly detached self-proclaimed teen sensation. Re-discover a theme park, join a night sky watching group or just go camping in the woods. Go painting at the beach or just run a movie marathon night. Create memories to last them a lifetime!
Like the weary desert traveller longs for a drop of water. Like the grass on the other side always seems greener, fulfilling and enduring. The same way those diamonds shining ahead, luring you of miraculous happiness may just be nothing but broken shards of glass which may cause bruises and immense pain instead.
हमने अक्सर अपनी राहों में रुक कर, तुम्हारा इंतजार किया।
To not give into the allure, to use wisdom in the eye of quick pleasure. To not trace back your steps and repeat the same errors. To pull back to the reality of life, to find solace in not rocking the boat. Comes but not naturally. It is strenous, arduous and a knotty path. Drowning in the past and the future is easy. Stay afloat in the present.
I owe you. Unfailingly. Copious quantities of apologies. Prayers unlimited. A lifetime of asking forgiveness. A confession every living breath.
I owe you. Unfailingly. Reasoning fails. Actions don’t make sense. Numbers don’t add up. Words don’t resonate. Scripts sound vague. Behaviours seem irrational. Logic seems hollow.
I owe you. Unfailingly. A soliloquy replays. A monologue re-enacted. A social credit unreturned. A willingness to return the kindness, the gratitude and to give back infinitely.
Nidhis.daily.blog 