Ever wondered why opposites attract? Why twins or even siblings turn out to be so unlike each other? Why good people pick up the un-good habits and unworthy partners more often than not?
Because life is short. We should live and try it all out. Once you realize that 40-50% is a good enough match, you stop chasing perfectionism. Whether it’s similarities in values, actions, virtues or behaviour – nothing is ever going to be a perfect match.
Matchy matchy no more
But should you fold or not yet? If you don’t, the friction goes on. If you do, both of you move forwards even though just an inch.
Therefore, grab the moments before you realize a lifetime has slipped out of your hands.
Met the person of your dreams & fell in love – congratulations! Now how about staying in love, years after years, for better or for worse? Ever thought how easy or difficult of a navigation could this path of love be?
Staying in love is the real deal, this is where the hard work begins. It requires active participation, open communication and concious collaborative efforts from both ends. Often folks find the initial thrill and adrenaline rush of love starts to taper down with time. Drowing in daily routine, nothing new to discover about the other person and a sense of familiarity rubs off the shine of new love.
Sticking together
Finding a common ground works best. It could be anything cultural – language, food, music, dance. Sharing similar tastes in music, dance, art does help; as nurturing them together brings out different facets of your love interest. Similarly sharing a significant past whether childhood, workplace or adulthood also cements the bond further.
Finally what is more important is how often this commonality gets visited as life gets busy. This is where the going gets real to keep working at your relationship. Make it visual by adding physically or digital artifacts. These serve as reminders to things you both cherish. Add snippets of this shared past in your talks and make it the ikigai of your relationship, your reason of being together and cultivating joy more than stress.
‘Forty till I die’ is the new mantra these days. Afterall we are past our learnings in career, relationship and child rearing by now, so seems this is the gorgeous ‘be yourself, be free’ decade to live life queen size. So here is the last in the series of what every woman should aim to get under her belt before turning 40!
Set soft guardrails : Don’t be a doormat. Set reasonable boundaries to secure your energies. Be soft yet intentional about spending your time wisely.
Find your comfort food : A family dish, a neighbourhood meal – whatever is your pick, keep it handy and accessible. Afterall a known pallete can lift moods just like that.
Balance it out : You don’t have to be prim and perfect all the time. Allow yourself to be human and have your days – both glamorous and homebody. Maturity is behaving the same externally irrespective of your internal mood chart.
Stay informed : Needless to say, it’s an era of information overload. So it’s hard to miss the buzz – social, political, economical unless you have been living under a rock. A fair awareness of the pulse helps you formulate opinions when required.
Forgive & forget : Be kind. Start with yourself first. Others come next. Afterall life is too short to keep scores and even them out.
Delegate and doze off : Learn to outsource, offload and organize your time better. Make peace with quality of work and don’t bother micro-managing the new task owner. Whether at work or home, reward yourself with bytes of free time this way.
Art of critique : It takes practise to give feedback without hurting. Yet your wise words should be action-worthy or they sound hollow. Perfect this interpersonal skill to manevour life more smoothly.
Explore a new genre : Come on, you arent too old to try a new form. Whether it’s dance, music, cinema or or art, step out of the comfort zone. Give a new genre an honest shot and you may end up being a fan yourself!
Embrace aging with grace : The greys, wrinkles, fine lines or whatever signs of aging you are showing up – it makes you you. Lap them up with grace and charm. Lady you are worth all the years you have lived so why hide behind young veils!
Plan special days : & don’t wait for anyone to do it for you. Cos by now you have perfected the art of planning for others so time to shower yourself with love too. Take the pressure off others and dwell in the memories made!
May the ‘fourth’ be with you! Said the wise Yoda to his fellow Jedis. This one’s dedicated to a friend who is nerves as she nears turning forty. Is she overthinking – yes, no. It’s equally graceful to be anxious about future as it is to be a calm cucumber – to each her own. So continuing from before what every woman should aim to get under her belt before turning 40!
Start experimenting : Hair style, lip color, eye shades, everything makeup and fashion. Afterall YOLO so why stick to safe choices, rather try fun variants every now & then.
Date nights : Married, committed or single – dating should be mandatory for all. Dress up, leaving behind your routine worries and do something new together. It could be a movie, hobby class or plain vanilla dinner. Idea is to spend time with your partner to keep the romantic fire alive!
Pen it down : That book, blog, docu, vlog whatever has been pending since ages. Time to bring it out of the blueprint and put out in flesh. Make a loosely structured workplan and aim to wrap it up before your next birthday.
Weeds amongst the bush
Learn about your roots : Whenever you interact with your elders, dwell deeper about your culture. It could be collecting simple hacks about recipes, common ailments, family tree or festivities. Helps make your own rituals culturally rich and more meaningful.
Know your favs : Whether it’s outfits or food or hobbies or people. Bear your favourites in mind and guard your boundaries using them. Start choosing yourself and embrace the joy it brings.
Look inwards : Connect with your self energy. Whether by means of yoga, meditation, journaling or gardening. A hobby that helps you connect body mind and helps you become your own best friend.
Perfect your pitch : Yet keep it tailored for the audience. How you connect to your partner should be different from how you interact with younglings at work or home. Start interacting with each person uniquely to build deeper, meaningful connections.
Finnese a skill : That bucket list of ‘I want to learn xyz’ which has been at the backburner. Bring it to spotlight and commit too it. Start with babysteps and take expert help to fine tune your swimming/driving/cooking/sketching.
Stay sharp : Be mindful in your choice of words. Position and present yourself per the person on the other side. It’s not a crime to keep quiet but it’s a charm to know what to sell how and where.
Reconnect : That long lost friend, the colleague who got busy, the ex-lover who you lost touch with. Give everyone a chance to be part of your life – some may stay, some may wander – their loss!
Do you feel neglected if your dear ones don’t send you a well-remebered gift? Do you always scramble to be the best friend who steals the thunder with her bouquet of presents?
The poor spend money but the rich spend time. And truly enough, time is the biggest gift you can give to anyone or get gifted in turn!
And it all boils down to quality time. Not necesarily hours spent gossiping idle but definitely being their in the moments of need. It may not be a big spend of riches but being able to put you on their schedule and prioritize it is the biggest gesture of it all.
In today’s world we are all time poor so sending across a gift is a no-brainer. But being able to make time and spend it well is the ‘it’ thing. It’s the next big thing because you are valued in the minutes spent with you and not just the dollars spent on you.
So look for big intent, big conversations, big heart and not big wallet alone!
Prince charming. Queen of heart. Can we ever know if they are the one? Or is it always a mystery to be lived out in order to solve?
The eyes met. The hearts fluttered. The minds melted and the souls mingled. They are the one. Or are they? Can a qualitative method shut the doubts? Or a quantitative method help nail the decision?
Moving in and living together gives you a glimpse of such aspects of their persona. It’s like catching the details even while you are swooning with puppy love. It helps capture moments together – of vulnerability, of strength, of frustration and of victories.
Love them or hate them, this way you can not ignore their true self. They can only put up a facade when casually catching up for date nights and weekend getaways. But can they fake an entire living month? Yes if acting is their profession! But most likely than not, this is where you are both bare and raw with your emotions, habits, personalities and lifestyle aspirations. Fair bet you say!
So love is not just to live, love, laugh together but also to fight, fathom and sometimes frustrate your love interest.
While silence is golden, words are potent tools. A double edged sword, they can make or break.
Words can bind. The vows we take, the unsaid promises we make. The desires we express, the love we experience. The warmth we feel, the comfort we share. The memories we build, the delicate moments we weave.
Words can disconnect. The anger we seeth, the sadness we live with. The scars on our soul, the cerebral zones we lock away. The experiences we erase, the hurt we disguise. The distance we build, the bridges we burn.
Words run deep
Words can heal. The illustration of existence, the epiphany of life. The bandage we apply, the balm we rub in. The smile which runs through our body, the shedding of baggage. The presence of acknowledgment, the comfort of being.
Words are signals. They can mean or they can be mean. Words are a piece of the puzzle or the peace itself.
That friend who shall be hooting (albeit quietly) the loudest. To whom you can go with your wins as well as woes. Your personal embarressments, howling cries, ridiculous ideas as well as crazy plans for the future – they are party to it all.
I’ll be there for you 🫰
Yet they are. Been there, done that and would be forever. Sometimes around, sometimes aloof. Some days quick to connect, other days lazy to even call back. Speaking antagonistically one moment, by your side in a fraction of a second.
They don’t finch showing you the mirror (or the door at the end of an unending circumcious meltdown). They are your bestie and you are even a symbiotic reflection of each other. Yet they can dole out pearls of wisdom when you need them the most. They confide in you with their bravest plan B’s, significant life milestones and much more. Again not missing the forests for the tree, cos come on who’s got the time and energy to fill you in into all the details when juggling life, career and family goals!
Congratulations on finding such a confidante, make it stick. Cos they do make life worth living ❤️
So traditionally, in many societies marriages are ‘arranged’ for the offsprings. Examples with reasoning for Kings, noblemen, commoners.
& then there is the modern millennial era where marriage is for formalising your ‘love’. You meet your dream partner, whether in your 20s, 30s, 40s or even 50s and since your chemistry is a 200% and dopamine is rushing through your body from head to toe so you marry them.
Same same but different
Yet there is room for the new age marriages, those that are done for either reason and still holding fort (though not love nither significance) for being a social contract which has mutual benefits. One spouse (or maybe both) have realized that their better half isn’t the person of their dreams, and may never be yet they carry on. Coping could mean insulating by means of apathy, indifference or even plain ignoring the thorns. For the outside world (social media or otherwise) they are perfect, all conventional life goals accomplished or on track to accomplish. Yet on the inside there is no connect, no love, no tenderness left. I term this the arranged love marriage. Cos love is lost but you are arranging to carry on 😉
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