Nidhis.daily.blog

Tag: marriage

  • Marriage : From Label to Libel

    Its a dying institute many say in today’s information era. Same was said for the institution of family in the industrial era. Without making a case for either, it would be interesting to explore how it’s evolving in the new-age society.

    To most it starts as a societal label which formalizes your relationship. Establishing credibility for your adulthood. Being a passport to freedom, to decision making (& owning them too).

    To a few its a libel, even if it’s a sour sanguine relationship, they want to live it up till death do us apart. Just to live upto the label, they are putting up with the discomfort of a libel.

    Leaving aside the peer pressure (which is manifold in the digital era), what matters is what matters most in life, to you. Label or libel, if it’s dear then put your might behind it. If not, then the world is your home, be a free bird. Irrespective of what you choose, remember public memory is always effervescent.

  • Trouble in Paradise

    “You are the love of my life”, said Eve when her eyes first met Adam’s. Love bloomed and the rest is history. Had they gotten married or co-lived, that’s when ‘its complicated’. Especially when the Eve wants the Adam to be as evolved, in tune with what’s in and become the man of her dreams. Not to forget she felt she had met the man of her dreams but then familiarity breeds contempt, doesn’t it?

  • Marriage Story

    I beg never have you come across any piece of art titled that! Save that brilliant movie which captures the pains of a separation.

    But no series, movie, book captures the essence of what happens happily ever after. Where the ‘reel’ love story ends and the real life begins. Where two individuals start co-existing, discovering each other’s blind spots and navigating couple goals. Not all roses, not all thorns. Now that the journey has gotten rolling, better take the scenic route buddy!

  • Chemistry or Compatibility : Why did you marry your spouse?

    You fell head over heels for someone, cupid struck you with love at first sight? Or did you follow a dating algorithm and sieve through a list of potential suitors?

    If the former, it is likely that underlying chemistry played a bigger role in turning the courtship into lifelong commitment. After all, love is a game played by the hearts and not the minds ☺️

    If the later, it is likely that underlying compatibility played a larger part in formalizing the courtship. You may have consciously (or on a subconscious) level analysed how they fit into your life goals – personal and professional.

    Either way, your work towards your marriage is cut out ‘cos both these ingredients are rightfully required for a successful partnership. If your chemistry is awesome, work on being more compatible and the other way around holds true too. After all, we may fall in love with our soul but to stay in love needs both mind as well as soul.

  • Post marital depression – new label to an age old phenomena

    Move aside Post partum depression (which is prevalent only in new mothers), post martial depression is for real too. As the honeymoon period (first few years post wedding) draws to an end, the cuteness of ‘opposites attract’ gets replaced by ‘petty squabbles’. Merging individual lifestyles, cultures and langages is bound to create frictions of low intensity.

    Plus a big alteration is to your life balance which was neatly organized around work on weekdays and chores over weekend (& sometimes never cos your mom/sister/grandma did it for you). Now each day is hybrid & requires attention to many more things about managing a household.

    The fun of getting to know a complete new set of parents, cousins, aunts, uncles is vanishing. Now it’s more of sustaining these adopted relationships. Moreover becoming a parent adds to the chaos; demanding  superlative physical and mental strength.

    So to mitigate this seven year itch, start strengthening your communication and practice active listening with the spouse. Trying to spend time together minus the variables (read kids and parents) helps reconnect. Add humour to your ‘us time’ so that you both can laugh off some of the dust that has dimmed the bonds of love. After all, you ‘2’ come before we ‘3/4/5’, whatever the number be!

  • If opposites attract then why do diverse clash?

    They say opposites attract. & that’s the start of every love story. So when the love story turns into a marriage story, why does the diversity in us begin to clash? Isn’t love enough to tide over the differences between us? Yes and No. Yes because it helps us remember how it all began, why we choose our companion in the first place and what made us commit to them forever. And no because it alone isn’t enough; as the clouds of differences loom large, warmth of love takes a backseat and each contrary view becomes an adversity.

    As these he-she situations play out, no one person is right or wrong completely. It works out best if each chooses to lose some battles and hold their fort in the rest. After all the key to harmony is in balance – balance of thoughts, views, ideologies. Being open to new diverse opinions makes us widen our individual perspective and enhance our decision making.

    So the next time your spouse has a glaringly different PoV, just take a moment to pause and reflect. Stark opposites attract and the maturity to encompass these opposites is what enriches our lives as individuals and as a harmonious couple.

  • How to make your marriage work

    Matches may be made in heaven but marriages are made on earth and need nurturing like any other earthling. So whether you choose your spouse or your parents did, whether you dated your spouse for long time or few months, it is rare that 2 people are doing the ‘waltz’ absolutely in sync all the time. There would be mis-steps here and a beat lost there, but as long as you can correct your form – the show can go on!

    Here is my mantra of keeping at it, coming from a pool of decades of marriage experience and multiple conversations with married couples.

    Team work – It’s a team play with your spouse, so there can be only 1 leader at a time. So lead here, follow there. ‘cos 200% is also a problem so don’t expect a 100% from them every single time.  There would always be a leader and a follower in each situation, keep true to your strengths and let the other person lead too.

    Preserving individuality – Keeping to your me time and staying true to it. Yes we could spend every living moment with our spouse, but trust me that would leave you with no room (literally). So keep to your hobbies, a happier you would result in a happier ‘us’.

    Acknowledging the differences – not turning your spouse into your clone, after all you married then for being themselves. Easier said than done but please embrace the diversity they bring – whether in food or parenting.

    Talk talk talk, just talk it out. Don’t sleep over the arguments, cold war doesn’t help anyone ever. So whatever be the situation, make sure to communicate with your spouse and not just shut down.

    So keep coming back to these basics to keep life stress free. After all no marriage is perfect by design, you have to make it memorable by choice.

  • Husbands, keep staring at your wife!

    In the midst of the work life balance debate sparked by the management of a leading Indian conglomerate, I would like to flip the narrative from the lens of a wife. The wife who lovingly waits for her husband to be back from a long tiring day of work (and the commute most undertake to reach their place of work on a daily basis) and spend quality time with her. She’s been busy managing the home and family single handedly.

    The wife who is equally burnt out after her day of work (and related commute). She battled the first shift of paid work and is now in her second shift of unpaid work tending to the home and family.

    In all probability, the wife (or girlfriend) is your companion for longer than your employer is going to be. So go ahead and invest time (and diamonds) in your better half. She is your pillar of strength, the source of constant warmth, the consistent cheerleader who doesn’t bat an eyelid being critical.

  • How to train your Husband

    A supportive hubby is a fundamental necessity for any working woman. Once the invisible load is shared equally, it gives wings to both spouses to fulfill their ambitions. Alas fully trained husbands are superbly low in supply. So here’s how to become an in-house trainer.

    The early bird catches the worm so can be applied to the boyfriend as well. So start early by constructing simple single verb tasks for him. Keep doling out atomic tasks thereby enabling him to manage the whole area say laundry or dishes end to end by the end of the training period.

    Nothing better than training our sons – after all childhood lessons shape the personality. Teaching life skills like cooking, meal planning, running a home to a boy ensures we add to the supply pool of future ‘trained husbands’. Yes you can thank me later.

  • Yeh meri family hai (La Familia)

    Sharing our day’s highlights over dinner. Sundays spent tending the garden, washing the car and plucking fruits as cherished prizes. Of course mom cooked a sumptuous meal of chicken curry rice and it was topped off by jalebi (indian dessert cooked like churos but dipped in sugar syrup after frying). Mom & dad gave us the best childhood we could ever have had. Yeh meri family hai.

    Waking up to the sound of prayers and the smell of incense sticks. Breakfast laid out, our favourite dishes made all at one go. Mummy and papa (read husband’s parents or my parents in laws) pampering us to bits. Yeh meri family hai.

    Building new rituals of hiking, spending time in nature, conscious spending and repurposing broken things. Proud of our values, our principles and ever evolving bond. Yeh meri family hai.