Nidhis.daily.blog

Category: parenting

  • Decoding The Differences

    Ever wondered why opposites attract? Why twins or even siblings turn out to be so unlike each other? Why good people pick up the un-good habits and unworthy partners more often than not?

    Because life is short. We should live and try it all out. Once you realize that 40-50% is a good enough match, you stop chasing perfectionism. Whether it’s similarities in values, actions, virtues or behaviour – nothing is ever going to be a perfect match.

    Matchy matchy no more

    But should you fold or not yet? If you don’t, the friction goes on. If you do, both of you move forwards even though just an inch.

    Therefore, grab the moments before you realize a lifetime has slipped out of your hands.

  • (S)mothering

    Am I not doing enough? Am I micro-managing? Should I treat my kids as friends? Do I retain the Asian tiger mom version? Motherhood is not without its fair share of transitions, read on.

    As a mother and primary caregiver, I often wonder where time flies. From organizing a million things to being the chief operating officer of my kids life, most days are like running a marathon amid chaos. There are emotional outbursts, physical tiffs, social standoffs and massive communication campaigns running from dawn to dusk. It’s nothing short of a mini geo-political situation to be handled everyday. Sometimes I play the plaintiff, other times the accused and most times the prison supervisor dishing out punishments appropriate for the crime at hand.

    When I sit back to see the forest (and not the trees), I do see a pattern emerging. Up until my baby was about 5-6 years old, he was dependent on me for allmost everything from physiological basics to intellectual bytes. And then the major weaning off started. Just like an infant unlatches from you, this mini-me now was autonomous in what he wanted to wear to what his meal should look like. Soon enough he also started dishing out vocabulary and knowledge unknown to my cognitive depths!

    Now that I have a ‘I am not a kid anymore’ situation, I better change my stance from forehand to backhand. Staying a step behind, waiting for the ball to bounce high enough before I catch it. Letting the mini-citizens exercise their rights and making them aware of their duties as well. So they get to design their daily routine and yet have to complete the chore of loading the dishwasher!

    Raising kids is a mean feat, a fine walk between mothering and smothering. A delicate balance between sharing tender moments and being the stern taskmaster. Embrace this sunshine while it lasts; kids they grow faster than you would believe!

  • Alice in Shirt-land

    When I close my eyes
    I’m colourblind
    You make me colourblind

    & so goes the lyrics from my all time favourite love song by Darius. Funnily enough only the last line resonates in my cerebral cortex everytime my husband says “It is a nice blue shirt isn’t it?”

    Picture this : we are at a premium men’s workwear retail showroom and since I can’t (or shouldn’t) be disrespectful, I play the polite card “Sure Honey, as long as you like it”. Inside my head, I am counting the numerous blue shirts he already has and I swear this one looks no different from the rest of the lot. They all look identical, hanging in the wardrobe handsomely as if mocking me for not being able to tell one shade from the other. And it’s not just blue that I am challenged with, the same story repeats when it comes to the multiple white/grey/yellow/navy/mauve/mint/peach shirts he owns. Ofcourse, some credit should come my way for introducing ‘colour’ to his muted shirt selection as the last 3 shades have been introduced to him via yours truly.

    While I am reeling through this question, sipping on my tea and my eyes wandering to the Xmas-party dresses calling out to me from the next shop, here comes another innocent enquiry “Wouldn’t this trouser go well in my wardrobe?”. Aha my mind goes, perfect company to the existing platoon of patloons (hindi word for trousers) in black, blue, grey. “For sure, looks quite sharp”, is all that comes out of my mouth. No sharp shooting here, though the trouser sure is sharp, crisp and well tailored; not that once its home anyone can tell the difference between it and the older ones. Bloody they all look the same to me, not exaggerating.

    “Can I too buy a shirt and trouser for the NYE party, just like dad?” says my pre-teen son and I silently pray to god, “agle janam mujhe bitiya hi kijo!”

  • Second Chance

    We often associate kindness as a good deed for others. Being kind is a founding principle taught by most religions. Afterall kindness is basic to humanity and its existence.

    Often kindness can manifest as caring for others, sometimes even at the cost of putting one’s own needs first. But what good would come from all the selflessness if one ain’t being kind to oneself in the first place. Afterall only a full cup can fill others. So why have shame in putting boundaries and claiming me time for the only body, mind and soul who is your lifelong companion – thyself!

    Sipping as the world goes by

    Reclaim your moments, guard them selfishly and indulge in something just for yourself. It won’t make you less of a spouse, partner, parent, child, sibling or whatever roles keep you tied to the routine. Make room for yourself and stay consistent at it. Therefore just like charity, ladies & gentlemen, kindness should also begin at home.

  • Class apart

    Empathy is as rare as common sense. If only every class could empathize with the other and be willing to put themselves in the others shoes, the world could be a more harmonious place to live. More homogenous, blurring the boundaries between the haves and have-nots. Making inter-class interactions more wholesome than a facade. Giving a chance to young couples who want families to mingle and offsprings to flourish via best of both worlds.

    But then these are idealistic thoughts, a utopia which exists only in tales. Balancing empathy with self respect is a fine task and not many are adept in it. So sadly the next generations mostly learn to sneer upon a lower class or drool upon a higher one. Either ways they shall find their footing on their own.

  • Neurodiversity

    My 7 year old questioned why a certain footballer has thick dark black hair – explained how human bodies adapted to where their ancestors settled. Explainging pangea to evolution to the kid was quite a feat for my mind. & I felt I had nailed the day.

    But curious kid had more questions for me. Now he wanted to understand why his teen cousin keeps giggling and not indulge in usual conversation or games. He is autistic hence communication is not a well developed skill but is able bodied enough to cycle and swim. But my kid wasn’t convinced that his brain is wired differently as he couldn’t apparently see any factors contributing to it. Now that’s the challenge with neurodiversity, it’s invisible and it’s causal factors are difficult to pin-point. If kids can’t wrap their heads around it, neither would adults. We have a long way to go as humankind in making this diversity a mainstream agenda for greater equity.

  • Daddy’s day

    Social media gets flooded each ‘celebratory’ day – pressure posts by peers and ads by every big or small seller. Good for economy to push consumerism, meh for consumers who are discerning enough to separate the noise from the reality.

    It’s nice to be with the crowd but even better to make memories your own way. Afterall no two dads are the same, so why copy-paste the wishes!

  • Robot, please clean my home!

    Robotic vacuum cleaner is the best thing to happen to (wo)mankind after washing machines, dishwashers!

    There are two types available : with suction and sweeping & with suction, sweeping and (wet) mopping. Robots can manoeuver around furniture, vaccum efficiently and go back to a charging dock automatically when discharged or finished cleaning the mapped area. A fully charged robot can clean for about 2 hours. Agree that it does take a long time to clean the house so the key is to put it on and forget about it while you do other things.

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    All you need to do is to empty the dust pan after every use. Before vaccuming, ensure no loose wires are on the floor or carpet/rug tussles are left loose as the robot can get entangled in them. Also the vaccum suction is powerful so small toys like Lego blocks, hair ties, Barbie’s shoes etc need be cleared away than be sucked in by vaccum and thrown by you into your dustbin!

    If you buy the one with sweeping and suction then mopping becomes a breeze. If you buy one with the mopping function, then your end to end cleaning is outsourced! They are amazing as they will mop along with sweeping and suction.

    So do you never have to clean your hand by own hand again? Not really, afterall human eyes and hands so get to corners where robots dont. So you might need to manually clean once a week, behind doors, in the corners etc. And that should do the trick, so get your pick at your price range and be ready to be welcome to a clean neat home!

  • Not leaving the nest yet…

    For all those parents who look forward to an empty nest, what if your children aren’t ready to leave just yet?  They love you, give you your space and yet are tied to you closer than you would want. They consult, counsel and yet balance the fine line of floating around without being an interference.

    Different yet together!

    Isn’t that a win-win, you get your support system from a younger generation while they pick your wisdom. Sort of like a modern version of an extended joint family!

  • Education or Competition

    Isn’t the purpose of education literacy and awakening of a well rounded individual?

    Then why does education even in formative years have to be about scores, grades and marksheets? Is a person synonymous with these or their personality? Does emotional intelligence and well rounded knowledge also account for an individual’s identity? 

    Scribbling or Creative writing?

    Well, yes in a developed world where the goal is to thrive, and no in a developing nation where the goal is to live and make ends meet. No wonder then that the aspirational class in India faces a dichotomous world, balancing their wants with what the society chooses for them. Today’s knowledge workers occasionally pause to think is this enough, where to next? But that’s momentary, the easier, noisier and popular way is to stay part of the race.