I owe you. Unfailingly. Copious quantities of apologies. Prayers unlimited. A lifetime of asking forgiveness. A confession every living breath.
I owe you. Unfailingly. Reasoning fails. Actions don’t make sense. Numbers don’t add up. Words don’t resonate. Scripts sound vague. Behaviours seem irrational. Logic seems hollow.
I owe you. Unfailingly. A soliloquy replays. A monologue re-enacted. A social credit unreturned. A willingness to return the kindness, the gratitude and to give back infinitely.
A man is known by the company he keeps. Maybe because birds of a feather flock together. But what if the bird is on a migratory visit, out of its homeland. Trying to fit-in due to the absence of its home turf. Or maybe it’s yet to find its tribe and hence is fleetingly vibing with a certain kind.
Would it still be fair to judge the birdie or fit it into a box? To pass judgement and decide on its fate because it chirps with a certain type?
Yes the way you choose to spend time does reflect on your personality, taste and standards. And influence does shape our habits, ideologies and behaviours. But haven’t we taken social judgment to our hearts nowadays. We are supremely quick with speedy conclusions to box a person into a certain category. Rushing to group similar individuals basis the exterior traits they exhibit. So yes we do gravitate towards people with similar taste but there are a zillion shaping forces which factor into our personalities. So no we can’t always be told by our acquaintances and yes choosing friends for life is always a natural phenomenon. Thus ultimately you are a sum of the true friends you hold dear – the ones who uplift you, the ones who cheer for you, even the ones who scold you for doubting yourself. So enjoy the fleeting acquaintances like hopping from one set of friends to another. & explore hangouts without the guilt of getting labelled – there is no dearth of public gospel anyways!
Come December, come frenzy. Businesses scramble to close financial year targets, establishments hurry to tick mark all the Xmas-y activities and me a working mother, remote worker, corporate slave tries to juggle it all alongside the constant pressure to hustle max. Phew, sounds heavy right, well it is mate. And it is real.
Rush hour
December to me is like one endless gigantic day, 744 hours of adrenaline rush, 44,640 hours of back to back hustling. It’s like the longest marathon of my life, albeit it occurs every year like an inter-galectic phenomenon. Can I avoid it? No. Can I embrace it? Yes. Can I play it out differently? Maybe.
What I equate this craze is the mad frenzy which an unorganised, clutter-loving, last moment champion lives with all through their lives. Everyday is a mad rush, a thrill of living on the edge and racing past milestones at the eleventh hour. Coffee in one hand, one hand on the steering wheel, speaking through the wireless while one foot is on the gas – a vivid picture of definitely how life shouldn’t be conducted on daily basis.
Anyways back to my end goal for this month long, not so festive cheer is downtime. No roles, routines, rules attached. So with my eyes on the prize of calmer days ahead, signing off this task from my to-do list of December!
Do you only live once? Or is it that you live multitude lives in a lifetime. Afterall, every few years or decades one is living a life completely different from the previous in more than one ways. Nothing is the same. The physical body undergoes changes, intelligence grows, mind expands and the soul transforms. Every new phase of being brings a new role, a new title and a new personality to the forefront. Seems the term YOLO is just to keep encouraging to live better and not delay gratification. Not just in this one life but the many lives we live.
As a kid, maximize play. As a teen, maximize exposure. As a young adult maximize learning. As a new-spouse, maximize togetherness. As a parent, maximize growth. As an older adult, maximize friendship. In your silver years, maximize giving. It could be this and much more for each of this time bucket. In fact some could be constant goals manifested differently for different time of life. In short, fretting about one life and too much to do is a stress-inducing point of view. Think of your journey of life as many lives rolled into one, where you have constant chances of being a better version, at every age and stage of the sojourn!
The sojourn of life isn’t linear, to choose a path; trivial or historic, happens more frequently than not. And then there are times when we come face to face with our deepest fears, darkest desires and despair thoughts. Our brain gets ticking to quickly choose one of the binary options – right or left, flight or fight, leave or stay. Afterall that’s the most efficient way to solve and move along. But it’s simpler said than done, most yogis train their minds and consciousness for years before they can rein in their thoughts and control their subconscious.
So we lesser beings might as well try other more tactical ways to rein in ourselves. Journaling, mindfulness, hobby classes – they all bring out the sensorial connect and help build focus on mind-body connect. It’s not a ‘bury your thoughts’ approach but rather an attempt to increase the longevity & clarity of your train of thoughts. Serving as a reminder of what’s rationale in the here & now and why you choose a certain path.
Focus to Flourish
So in grey lies grief yet in gray lies glassiness. Afterall life is much more messier than our ideologies allow.
Sounds like an oxymoron right. But then doesn’t growth does start from the lowest inflection point on the curve. Learning to give a positive spin to your gullible side is like making lemonade out of the sour lemons handed to you.
Wounds that heal
We were all taught to toughen up and put up a brave face, no matter what. In doing so, we don an armour of self-defence until it becomes second nature. This takes away from being able to face one’s weaknesses. Yet being on a journey of acknowledging your vulnerabilities is very fulfilling. Yes it is rare, yes it is extremely painful and facing one’s deepest emotions isn’t for the faint hearted. Just like an onion, opening up one’s wounds layer by layer and reliving the emotional roller-coaster is scary as hell. Afterall being in the company of one’s emotions, bare and raw, is scathing to say the least.
The journey comes with its own set of rewards too. A deeper understaning of oneself paves way for an enhanced coping mechanism. Not just that, with a better regulated nervous system you start being more aware of your feelings which helps maintain calm in chaos.
It’s the hi-tech millenia of artificial intelligence, robots and intelligent automation. Humanity is making strides in all branchs of science. Yet in our minds success is mere material, monetary and magnanimus achievements. A bigger apartment, a flashier car, the latest gadgets, another wrist watch. And the wishlist continues, like an bottomless pit.
Kindness costs nothing
In a world that prizes constant consumption, how about chasing kindness, empathy and companionship as goals. A world where good behaviour is embraced and warmth is the love language. How about being on a journey where everyone is valued for their existence and the uniqueness they bring to the table.
So when did you last hear a kid being praised for being kind. In the recent past, do you recall patting your partner for being an empathetic being. Infact when did you pause to count a reconnection with a long lost friend as a personal win. Normalising humanity isn’t rocket science but this surely needs a collective recollect and reset in our over-stimulated cortex!
We often associate kindness as a good deed for others. Being kind is a founding principle taught by most religions. Afterall kindness is basic to humanity and its existence.
Often kindness can manifest as caring for others, sometimes even at the cost of putting one’s own needs first. But what good would come from all the selflessness if one ain’t being kind to oneself in the first place. Afterall only a full cup can fill others. So why have shame in putting boundaries and claiming me time for the only body, mind and soul who is your lifelong companion – thyself!
Sipping as the world goes by
Reclaim your moments, guard them selfishly and indulge in something just for yourself. It won’t make you less of a spouse, partner, parent, child, sibling or whatever roles keep you tied to the routine. Make room for yourself and stay consistent at it. Therefore just like charity, ladies & gentlemen, kindness should also begin at home.
Conventional definitions of success? Orthodox measures of a good life? Relearn. Reset. Rewire.
Not everything we have learnt is relevant in this ever changing world. As institutions evolve and idealogies advance; people rise up the societal pyramid, discovering newer definitions of making a living. Embrace change or perish holds true so those who adapt truly find bliss and peace – beyond conventional happiness.
Be the lead. Not the best friend. Make no room for self pity. Make way for thinking out of the box, being unbound by conventional wisdom and abide by your own standards of freedom.
It’s never too much when you prioritize yourself and your hobbies before others.
Ask yourself what roles you play and surely you’ll name everything but not thyself. We are tuned to seeing life from a Point of View of others and not oneself. While in reality the locus lies within. Hence I comes before anyone else, before any other relations.
A well oiled and cared for machine serves better and lasts longer than one which has been tirelessly put to use but unserviced. Thus when we care for things, they care for us. The same holds for our body, mind and soul. We can be a better functioning human when our we fill our cups first and foremost.
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