I was raised to know solitude as a bad thing. The thing which makes you unhappy, makes others look down upon you and gets you stereotyped as an outcast.
As a grown adult with a full time job and a kid to raise, I now realize solitude is golden. It is the calming factor which helps me stay grounded in reality. It is good as I can hear my own voice and go through my own thoughts to bring clarity and peace in my life.
That should be you. Yes, essentially you should be the main character of your life’s story. But every story needs a good partner too, right.
So how do you find them : the perfect partner. Research, checklist, trial & error or just fate? Or a combination of a few of these. Let’s first settle what’s perfect for me and you won’t be the same – that’s called ideal. And ideal is rare, mirage, cliche. So let’s settle for defining your perfect : someone who you like spending time with, sets your heart racing, has been a good influence and gets you better than most others. That’s a keeper, keep if you can and you have found gold!
& Once you think no one’s fitting this bill, go for the next best rationale option: someone who can be a good career coach, a motivator for your goals and a complement to your personality traits.
Pros and cons lie in both the ways. Head over heart, choice or chance. It’s all in the stars, so leave it to destiny to find them for you. Just choose and stick it out.
Speed is the new mantra these days; whether at work or in personal life, the thrill of doing (& dismissing) at a faster pace is desirable.
There is speed networking to get to greater efficiencies in socializing. Then there is speed dating as relationships also get fast forwarded unlike millennials who spent years with one person. There also exists speed consuming i.e., watching Netflix at 1.5x as it’s too slow or videos at 2x to shortlist the best suited hack you are looking for.
I wonder if we have something more to blame than our shortened attention spans. Maybe it’s a supply demand issue, as plentiful is also a vain thing!
We blame a lot of stuff on our emotions – they made me eat, get angry and spoil the day etc etc. What if we came to know thay motions aren’t external to us. They are creations of our own brain. Emotions are guesses made by our mind in congruence with our experience and knowledge of the past.
With this new bit of information, I am hopeful that I can generate emotions I want. And be aware to not generate the ones I don’t want. Which means feeling sad about broken past is in my hands. And so is turning the table around to see the same situation from a different lens. I can get objective about it, find my rationale to now feel calm that I learned a lesson from the past and I am grateful for it.
Now that you know it, go own it! & this could be your super power too.
Wallowing, pining, longing, craving, desiring, crying for lost love.
How do you picturize these words? A guy pining for his lady love. Because that’s what you mostly grew up consuming! Most songs, movies, pop culture show the male lead looking to sing for his lady love. Can we females pine, wallow, miss and remember our lost love or is this also a male dominated territory?
Father, mother.
Mom, dad.
Amma, Appa.
These are all terms referring to a role of a caregiver to their offspring. Then does it matter whether it’s a male or female caregiver who rocks the cradle?
In fact a balanced, well thought of and meaningful partnership results in a rounded kid as both parents bring their experiences, knowledge and wisdom to the child. Societal norms may shape this but normalising raising one’s offspring is a family and human issue. After all it takes a village to raise a kid.
Not the freezing that the Earth’s polar cause! And no, most certainly not, am I referring to being lazy, tardy and careless. But staying calm in the eye of a storm, attaining a level of zen and developing an attitude that balances care-concern with discern towards one’s inner peace.
Do not mistaken it as a sign of weakness, being aimless or suggesting to put up your feet all times. But more like mimicking a duck, paddling furiously beneath the surface but staying poised to the outside chaos. It can do wonders to minimize the anger and frustration which arises due to friction with other humans – leading to a path of joyous harmony and invaluable health.
Home is where the heart is,
And it’s there, right there amiss,
So maybe be my always.
Looking past the roses and the thorns,
Until the path be strewn and torn,
So maybe be my always.
Wild and free, we were, like the sea,
Like a pod with two peas,
So maybe be my always.
Almost here, so near yet so far,
Finding love where we are,
So maybe be my always.
Having adopted the pace of nature,
Waiting to see what lies in the future,
So maybe be my always.
Happiness comes in waves, it would find us again,
Helping tide over the past, the pain,
So maybe be my always.
“Extra baggage welcome, at a cost” says the Airport signpost. & I wonder doesn’t that apply elsewhere too. If you carry extra, you gotta pay elsewhere.
Carry your past and you pay with guilt. Carry shame and you pay with remorse. Carry a yardstick for success and pay by yearning to live by its standard. Carry what others think of you and you can never be your true self.
Chasing happiness as per other people’s expectations or by peer pressure is like a dog trying to catch his tail. A futile effort leading to little more than momentary satisfaction.
Being yourself, holding your stead and being comfortable in your own skin, thoughts and pace of life is a tough, sometimes lonely but fulfilling journey.
Is it always necessary to be busy? To keep moving, to struggle and to win? It does give us a momentous joy when victory is ours, but then wasn’t the journey also worth enjoying? After all that is where life happens. While it’s important to have an eye on the prize, did we get lost in the daily chase to cherish little joys of life?
So say nay to the hustle culture. Hustle but at your own pace, with your own goals and in your own zone. More important is the zeal to live, the motivation to show up and the attitude to take things in stride. Winning or not, you are a champion anyways. So enjoy while you compete and complete the races of life with a smile drawn on your face. 💕
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