Nidhis.daily.blog

Category: Relationship

  • Post marital depression – new label to an age old phenomena

    Move aside Post partum depression (which is prevalent only in new mothers), post martial depression is for real too. As the honeymoon period (first few years post wedding) draws to an end, the cuteness of ‘opposites attract’ gets replaced by ‘petty squabbles’. Merging individual lifestyles, cultures and langages is bound to create frictions of low intensity.

    Plus a big alteration is to your life balance which was neatly organized around work on weekdays and chores over weekend (& sometimes never cos your mom/sister/grandma did it for you). Now each day is hybrid & requires attention to many more things about managing a household.

    The fun of getting to know a complete new set of parents, cousins, aunts, uncles is vanishing. Now it’s more of sustaining these adopted relationships. Moreover becoming a parent adds to the chaos; demanding  superlative physical and mental strength.

    So to mitigate this seven year itch, start strengthening your communication and practice active listening with the spouse. Trying to spend time together minus the variables (read kids and parents) helps reconnect. Add humour to your ‘us time’ so that you both can laugh off some of the dust that has dimmed the bonds of love. After all, you ‘2’ come before we ‘3/4/5’, whatever the number be!

  • I’ll be there for you ☺️

    There are friends who laugh with you, build good times and lasting memories. & then there are friends who sense the urgency and seriousness in your tone even on a text.

    Whatever the day, time or situation at their own end, they stick it out for you. Being the listener to your woes, the agony aunt to your crying and the empathetic ear to all your rantings. But then they also snap you out of your self propagated miseries, throw a line to pull you out of your self victimization and offer contrary views to probe your mind to think differently.

    That’s your best buddy, your 3 am friend, your safe space. Cheers to them & cheers to you for having them!

  • If opposites attract then why do diverse clash?

    They say opposites attract. & that’s the start of every love story. So when the love story turns into a marriage story, why does the diversity in us begin to clash? Isn’t love enough to tide over the differences between us? Yes and No. Yes because it helps us remember how it all began, why we choose our companion in the first place and what made us commit to them forever. And no because it alone isn’t enough; as the clouds of differences loom large, warmth of love takes a backseat and each contrary view becomes an adversity.

    As these he-she situations play out, no one person is right or wrong completely. It works out best if each chooses to lose some battles and hold their fort in the rest. After all the key to harmony is in balance – balance of thoughts, views, ideologies. Being open to new diverse opinions makes us widen our individual perspective and enhance our decision making.

    So the next time your spouse has a glaringly different PoV, just take a moment to pause and reflect. Stark opposites attract and the maturity to encompass these opposites is what enriches our lives as individuals and as a harmonious couple.

  • Love or friendship?

    As I settle at my cup of coffee on this wonderful day, my mind wanders to the message I received from a long lost friend. & I wonder what if one has to choose between love and friendship. I don’t mean choosing between your lover and your friends, I mean what if you can only either be a friend or a lover to someone.

    The new generation calls it friendzoning i.e., turning a potential lover into a friend and thereby in the parking lot. And that works well for keeping a list of ‘warm leads’ or potential future partners as the youngsters want to explore more options before settling into a commitment with one.

    I wonder if there could be another use case for friendzone. Could it be used to part ways amicably and still keep friends with someone who knows you like no one else. Someone you have loved truly madly deeply.

    In short, can lovers ever be friends?

  • Husbands, keep staring at your wife!

    In the midst of the work life balance debate sparked by the management of a leading Indian conglomerate, I would like to flip the narrative from the lens of a wife. The wife who lovingly waits for her husband to be back from a long tiring day of work (and the commute most undertake to reach their place of work on a daily basis) and spend quality time with her. She’s been busy managing the home and family single handedly.

    The wife who is equally burnt out after her day of work (and related commute). She battled the first shift of paid work and is now in her second shift of unpaid work tending to the home and family.

    In all probability, the wife (or girlfriend) is your companion for longer than your employer is going to be. So go ahead and invest time (and diamonds) in your better half. She is your pillar of strength, the source of constant warmth, the consistent cheerleader who doesn’t bat an eyelid being critical.

  • How to train your Husband

    A supportive hubby is a fundamental necessity for any working woman. Once the invisible load is shared equally, it gives wings to both spouses to fulfill their ambitions. Alas fully trained husbands are superbly low in supply. So here’s how to become an in-house trainer.

    The early bird catches the worm so can be applied to the boyfriend as well. So start early by constructing simple single verb tasks for him. Keep doling out atomic tasks thereby enabling him to manage the whole area say laundry or dishes end to end by the end of the training period.

    Nothing better than training our sons – after all childhood lessons shape the personality. Teaching life skills like cooking, meal planning, running a home to a boy ensures we add to the supply pool of future ‘trained husbands’. Yes you can thank me later.

  • Yeh meri family hai (La Familia)

    Sharing our day’s highlights over dinner. Sundays spent tending the garden, washing the car and plucking fruits as cherished prizes. Of course mom cooked a sumptuous meal of chicken curry rice and it was topped off by jalebi (indian dessert cooked like churos but dipped in sugar syrup after frying). Mom & dad gave us the best childhood we could ever have had. Yeh meri family hai.

    Waking up to the sound of prayers and the smell of incense sticks. Breakfast laid out, our favourite dishes made all at one go. Mummy and papa (read husband’s parents or my parents in laws) pampering us to bits. Yeh meri family hai.

    Building new rituals of hiking, spending time in nature, conscious spending and repurposing broken things. Proud of our values, our principles and ever evolving bond. Yeh meri family hai.